


VIP

by Lilablassblau



Category: Castle
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9804629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilablassblau/pseuds/Lilablassblau
Summary: “We should--.”“Castle!”“Look at them, that's terrible to watch.”With a sigh, Beckett looked up from her paperwork to see Ryan walk around Espo as if he didn't exist. Espo hung his head and poured the second cup down the drain. It had been like this the whole day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As always, a big thank you to the beautiful Detective Rysposito. 
> 
> I hope you will enjoy the reading.
> 
> This story references briefly child abuse and the death of parents.

  
“Where you heading?”

Ryan stood at Espo’s desk with a slight frown, but Espo didn't seem to notice. Kate tried to signal Espo with a pantomime basketball throw, but Espo was much too excited to have Anderson tell him all about their impending trip. She could see Ryan catch up pretty fast though. He would not have been her partner for so long if he would not be quick on his feet, but right now she hated how assertive he was and how he obviously still tried to give his best friend the benefit of a doubt before the much more obvious ‘I'm about to be stood up’-explanation.

“Miami, Baby!”

And then this clueless answer. And Ryan’s absolutely stunned face of unbelief, while Espo followed a loudly chatting Anderson to the elevator. Ryan just stood there like a statue and stared at where his so called partner had just stood. Lanie exchanged a long look with her friend, her line of thoughts going to the same direction. They watched their youngest team member slowly unfreeze, his face grimacing like he just ate something very bitter, when he slumped down on his seat. And then he opened a drawer and took out two tickets. He held them so tightly that they crumbled in his fingers. His mouth started to form a straight line, when his eyes settled once more on Espo’s vacant seat.

Exchanging another silent look, Lanie and Kate approached the brooding man carefully, ready to give whatever comfort they could give. When they reached his desk though, Ryan already started to rip apart the two tickets in an uncharacteristically rash action. Muttering furiously under his breath “just like fucking high-school”. When he saw the two woman standing at his desk, he hectically started to roam around his desk, put away files, anything to appear busy.

“Maybe just call Espo--,” she started, but drifted off, when she saw how furiously he blinked at the mentioning of his partner.

“No, thanks. He is busy living the high life right now,” he muttered.

“Honey, I’m so sorry, I don't know what went through his thick head this time,” Lani chimed in.

“Don't, just don't,” Ryan suddenly grunt out, obviously just barely holding it together. He blinked once more, rubbing his eyes, when he chunked the torn up pieces into the trash.

“We could go to the Old Haunt and you could vent,” Beckett tried, not wanting her detective to go home alone on a night that should have been one of his milestones in his life. She barely knew someone, whom she wished so much that for once he would be on the winning team. Life rarely was fair, but with Kevin Ryan it had a cruel sense of humour. However, with him and Espo finally getting closer and closer and Ryan working up the nerve to confess this one important thing, things at last seemed to go his way. Only to have it ripped away from under his feet at the last minute.

And while he always seemed to take those bitter twists in his life with stoic acceptance, this time he clearly took it with much less grace that once again he was left behind. And very likely she was just peeking behind the carefully constructed facade of her friend for the very first time and it was devastating to see how much he bruised over it. She knew Kevin well enough to know that he figured that yes, it was him after all and there was something wrong with him. And how she hated the idea that someone so bright and lovable could think so low of himself.

“No, thank you,” he finally managed to spit out, clearly desperate to make them go away.

“Kevin--,” Lanie tried once more, but was interrupted quickly with a surprisingly direct “just leave me alone.”

Lanie opened her mouth in a quick return, but Kate put her hand on her shoulder quickly. While Lanie’s peptalk could do wonders, right now his Irish stubbornness pushed through and nothing would make him come with them. They mumbled their good byes and retreated to Kate’s office.

It all had started one month ago with your average jealous boyfriend killing girlfriend murder. Had it not been for Cory Anderson, the Cory Anderson of sitcom and raunchy stand ups-fame. He had been at first a witness, but then it became more and more clear that their very own Javier Esposito and the TV-star hit it off way beyond Detective and actor. Some even dared to compare the beginning bromance to Espo’s with Ryan. And the other half of that classic partnership did not appreciate Espo hanging out more and more with the other guy. In fact, Kevin Ryan went from slightly confused to very agitated in less than two weeks, clearly at loss what had gotten into his partner all of the sudden and why he was left behind like an old toy.

And while it was painful to see Ryan suggest one thing after the other only to be shot down with a ‘sorry, man, already have plans’, Ryan did not appreciate the other’s - well, Castle mostly - offers of advice or words of sympathy, but stubbornly insisted that Espo did not forget about him and everything was fine and that they had the big game night coming up.

So, when Castle returned from one of his errants, he was already fired up about seeing Espo leave with that jackass, but did not think that he would actually stand his friend up. Beckett and Lanie still furiously debated whether to call Espo or if they should concentrate on their distraught friend here. “Hey, what's going on, just saw Espo outside the precinct with the dickhead actor--.”

“They are going to party in Miami,” Lanie interrupted with anger and Castle stared at them wide eyed. “And Kevin was okay with it?” Their long silent glares and one look at where the younger man cleaned his table told him everything he needed to know. “He didn't--,” Castle growled and headed out to intercept Ryan’s departure.

“Hey Ryan, where are you going?”

Ryan just stared at the place his partner had vanished to, seemingly at loss what just had happened. “Uhm, I guess, home,” he stammered nearly incomprehensible, an unhappy frown all over his face. He took his coat and put it on in a daze. Castle’s eyes followed Ryan’s look. He was oddly enough staring at the calendar on his desk, while he mindlessly fixed his coat. And there in red was written ‘Knicks’.

Castle blinked, while it all fell into place. The last weeks, Espo’s repeated trips with his new buddy and Ryan’s more and more erratic behavior the longer that newfound bromance continued.

_“I’ll just man up and tell him, Castle. After the game. Saved the last months for it.”_

And now the source of his former excitement was on his way to Miami. “Kevin--.”

The younger man looked up, a panicking look on his face, not to out him right here and leave him that small amount of dignity. “I’m sorry,” Castle softly said softly and Ryan shrugged while brushing over the red letters on white paper. “Miami, how do I compete with that?!”

Castle had been in that position before, knew as good as the most men in his age how bitter rejection felt, even worse if it was that kind of mindless rejection. “He is just excited about it at the moment, it will soon fade,” Castle tried, but just earned another shrug for it as if the other deep down never had expected any other outcome. And it made Castle truly despise Esposito. Ryan roamed around his jacket and finally found his car keys, looking at them with a quiet sigh and turned around.

“Good night, Castle.”

“If you’d like, you could join me for a drink--.”

“I’d rather not,” Ryan interrupted hastingly, obviously in a hurry to leave. “Thanks, Castle, but I think I want some time on my own, okay? And I'm sorry for before, I didn't mean to snap at--.”

“It's okay, buddy, don't sweat it.”

Polite as always, he nodded at Castle once more, then walked out with hunched over shoulders. Beckett finally came out of her office and blinked at both deserted desks. “Did he leave?”

“We have a problem,” Castle just said.

  
********************************

  
“Oh, look, the Knicks game is on,” Anderson quipped pointing at the screen, while he walked to the back of their suite to get another round fixed. Espo stared at the screen and felt a cold shudder ran over his back. The game. The one game Ryan had so graciously gifted him with near the floor, ‘almost front row, maybe we’ll be on TV’-tickets last birthday.

With unfolding horror he saw the camera move through the audience and just at the second row, there they were, two empty seats, where he and Kevin should have been sitting. Without thinking he grabbed his phone, and clicked on Kevin’s number, but despite the good service it rang until it went to voicemail. “Yo, Kev, shit, I’m so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I - I am an idiot. I will make it to you, man, okay? When I get back--,” he had to cringe at his own blunder. “Whatever I need to do to fix this, I’ll do it, okay? Just, I’m sorry, right, let me know what I can do to make it okay again. I honestly thought it was next week. You should have said something, I mean, I should have never got on that plane or leave for that stupid adventures or…” a beep interrupted his ramblings.

He slumped down on the sofa, thinking how Kevin must feel right now. Maybe Castle or Kate - No, you know him, he will go home and be miserable over it as his level of brooding is as high as his level of excitement. He will sit in his apartment, going through every conversation between them, wondering what he could have done differently. It’s what he did. And while it was bad enough to see after a bad case, to know he had caused this in his best friend and partner, just gave him another jolt. Maybe he could hop on a jet-- a beep interrupted his frantic thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at it and there it was, just the type of message he did not want to read. “It’s okay. It was a unique opportunity. I just had tickets to a crappy team and cheap beer to offer anyway. Enjoy your weekend, see you on Monday.” Javier was not sure if he should be mad or crushed that Kevin had chosen the high route, when he should yell bloody fucking murder at him. It was not okay; he had ruined a weekend he had anticipated with Kevin for months. A weekend Ryan had put so much effort and thought into, he had even bought the tickets that according to Javier’s one-time drunken ramblings were the best to buy.

He looked outside, saw the sea and even though it was a pretty damn good look, he knew what he had to do. He stood up and went to his room to pack. Time to make things right.

  
********************************

It was exactly four in the morning, when the doorbell rang. It took Kevin long enough to hear it and then some more to drag his non cooperative feet towards it. He looked through the keyhole with bleary eyes and had to check once, twice to actually comprehend that yes, there stood his partner. The same partner that should be in Miami. He should slam the door right into that asshole’s face. It might be violent and might be childish, but for the moment it would release some of the hurt he felt.

“Hey,” Javier started quickly. Kevin tried to work up some kind of witty reply, but in the end only ended up with an open mouth until Javier pointed towards the living room. “We should talk,” he continued and in a daze Kevin let the other brush by him and after he had closed the door sat on the other side of his sofa.

“So, I’m a goddamn idiot,” Javier suddenly said, while wringing his hands, looking at the floor. And that was it, Kevin already had enough. Never mind he had to save for months to get those tickets and that he had waited two more until his contact could get him those seats. Forget that he all the while he had gotten his speech ready, trying to put into words what he was not sure could be put into words. No, how dare he show up here and then think some stupid words can fix this gaping hole, where his bubbling excitement had been centered just a day ago? Like the last time, when Kevin had been just so glad that this bullet on his note-pad had been there, and his partner could finally see what Kevin was willing to do for him.

Not this time. For once he would not be eager to move on and just pick up before he had been stood up like the nerdy date on his prom. If Javier could not value him, then he could go to hell.

“Kevin? Come on, give me a bone here, man?”

To his friend he must have looked like a statue. A very silent statue, while inside rage and hurt urged him to yell everything at the other he had meant to confess stumbling, but giddy nevertheless.

“I--.” Go on, stop being a coward. Make him see how much he let you down, damn any consequences. He swallowed heavily. “Uhm--.” Don't you dare to chicken out.

“Kevin?”

Kevin shifted a bit, then closed his eyes, when Javier put his gaze upon on him. “I had planned and saved a year for yesterday. I saved for months, never stopped, even after our fight and then you were so happy and giddy, when you saw your gift and I thought, ‘so worth it’, and and I even got that beer you love from your stay in Germany and thought this is it. And then, yes, then you will look him straight in the eyes and tell him.” He swallowed heavily. “Tell him how much he means to you, because since Racine and Holliwell I needed you to know that this was more then two really close friends, but there was never the right timing, first Montgomery, then Beckett’s mom, your suspension, the failed exam-- but with ten years gone, I had to try just this once and maybe you would laugh at your emotionally sentimental partner, maybe you would request a transfer, but - Hey - at least I’d tried.”

Kevin opened his eyes, but looked outside the window. How he wanted to hurl the last ten years at Javi. All those stupid nights of playing Madden, while watching the one guy he felt everything for, dating one girl after the next guy after another girl. How he had clinged to their partnership, even if Javi only wanted to push him away, hoping despite all his experience in life his hopeless dedication would once be rewarded or at least maybe appreciated? No, no matter how much he was willing to crawl, beg or risk his life over that guy, it was never enough. His dad had been a mean drunk, but he had been right all those nights ago and he never would be enough. He sniffed, desperately holding the rising breakdown down. He was so fucking exhausted to be pushed around. It never got him anywhere, but deeper into the mud. He had enough.

“And all it took was some rich asshole for you to just forget about me and our plans and this is so much worse than any disgust or pity or, or ‘I don't feel that way, man’.” He must have hugged himself at some point, because when he looked on his lap, he realized his arms were crossed stiffly over his stomach, gripping the fabric of his old shirt that tightly. And, fuck it all, yes, he was crying over a stupid date Javier had no clue was meant as a date.

“Because this is being careless. The one person that means the most to me does not care about me.”

“Kevin--.”

“He had not even entertained the idea that this was so much more than just a game night and there was your answer.”

“Kev--.”

“Not even our friendship was worth enough once that idiot had shown up. I just didn't matter.” He took a deep breath, not willing to go on until he had his voice under control again. He peeked to where his partner sat with a frown and a sympathetic look, he had never wanted to see on that face. This was pity. And, oh god, had that last day not been terrible enough? He felt more tears running down his face and any other day he might have been worried about the damage that did to his male pride, right now he felt it was the appropriate response to the worst rejection he had ever received. Fuck, what had he been thinking? That his very male partner, the same partner that liked full figured women and the occasional confident, manly man guy would feel anything more then what a partner ought to feel about his dorky, perpetual broken nerd of a partner?

“Kevin?”

Oh great, and now the concerned voice. “Erm, just, I get it, right? Just give me this weekend and and on Monday, I'll be--,” He took a deep breath. “We don't have to talk about it ever again. Just--,” He shook his head. Whom was he trying to fool with his undirected ramblings?

“Kevin, hey, look at me, please?”

Kevin remained sitting where he was, glaring at the table in front of him.

“I had no idea, you know?”

A hysterical laugh escaped Kevin’s mouth. This was getting worse and worse. Couldn't he even have a bit of his dignity left when the night was over?

“I had no idea that this was supposed to be a date.”

Numbly he nodded, not daring to look up again.

“Cause if I had known, I would have gone to my favourite barbershop and gotten the one shave.”

Kevin blinked at the table. Slowly, he looked up and saw a soft smile on the other’s face.

“The shave I need, when I want everything smooth and perfect to use that one chance to finally score with the one guy I’d never thought I could reach.”

Stunned, Kevin kept blinking at the other. Maybe he was still asleep and his mind had come up with the most cheesiest dream ever.

“Don't do this,” he growled, closing his eyes, hoping he would wake up and could face reality.

“Let me make it right,” he heard Javier instead and finally he found the anger he had tried to hang onto the whole day.

“Make what right? Whenever something doesn't go your way or I make a mistake or God forbid am selfish for once, you just leave me hanging. When you got suspended, you just forgave me for getting punched. Not because I might have been in the right.” He lifted his eyes and stared at his so called partner. “No no no, not the great Esposito. No, it's because I'm stupid enough to take a fucking punch or this god forsaken bullet.”

“I hurt you!”

Kevin looked away and huffed. How he hated it when someone pointed out the obvious. Even more so, when it was his emotionally challenged partner and so called best friend. How dared he showing up at night, babble some stupid words of regret and thinking that this was it? How little did he think of Kevin.

“You better go, now!”

“Kev--.”

“Go away!” His voice finally got the right tone of anger. Fuck, hurt! He needed anger.

“How can I make it right?”

Kevin shot up from the sofa and stared down at his obviously distressed friend. Good! He deserved it.

“Well, Esposito, I don't know. You ruined this whole night. Not because you ruined my stupid confession you obviously would have never been comfortable hearing. No, because you treated me like shit. Even if you don't feel anything remotely romantic, this is not how you treat a friend. And then showing up here at night after I spend this whole evening wallowing in self doubt and all kind of angsty shit only a teenager should still feel--,” he broke up, taking a deep breath. “How dare you think I would just need a few stupid words. Go to hell, Esposito,” he spat out and pointed at the door.

********************************

“We should--.”

“Castle!”

“Look at them, that's terrible to watch.”

With a sigh, Beckett looked up from her paperwork to see Ryan walk around Espo as if he didn't exist. Espo hung his head and poured the second cup down the drain. It had been like this the whole day. Ryan treated Esposito with icy silence and refused to talk anything outside work with him.

Castle was right, this was terrible to watch, but then again she completely understood Ryan’s point of view. As far as she could tell, Espo had ruined a carefully and long planned night for some guy he had only met two weeks ago. Ryan had looked so defeated and humiliated, when he had realized that he been stood up like this. No amount of attempts by Castle, herself or even Lanie could console him that night, when he ripped those once so coveted tickets into pieces and then chunked them into Espo’s trash.

He had not been angry at them, had already apologized to everyone of them for his behavior yesterday, but she could understand the initial anger as they had pushed him towards taking the first step. And to think they all had assured him his feelings were not stupid and yes, surely his partner felt the same.

“Beckett, Castle,” Espo stepped to their desk, looking like a kicked puppy. When he had come for sympathy neither Castle nor Beckett had any. They were all team-Kevin at the moment. However, Beckett, despite what everyone might think around here, was not completely heartless.

They went to the small diner across the street, where they had that secluded booth you could talk at fairly undisturbed.

“I fucked up, I know,” Javier started before Kate could anything out.

With a grim smile, she nodded. “That's one way to put it,” she simply replied.

“I--I don't know what I was thinking, if I was thinking at all,” he continued and Kate pursed her lips in disapproval.

“I got an idea, Miami yacht party with Cory Anderson ringing a bell?”

Now, the normally so collected man cringed.

“I hope it was the best party of your life.”

Javier shrugged, when the waitress brought their order. Then he mumbled a nearly incomprehensible, “Dunno, wasn’t there.”

Stunned she leaned on her arms to get closer. “Excuse me?”

In reply Javier leaned back and sighed. “I had taken the next best plane back at night, when I realized what I had done and Kevin didn't pick up the phone.”

Kate couldn't help her snort. A phone-call, he must be joking.

“I went over to Kevin’s and he--,” he rubbed his neck and sighed once more. “He told me why he put that much effort into our night. What he thought--.”

“A date! It was supposed to be date, Javier,” she suddenly exploded. Fed up with him tiptoeing around it. “You can't even say it. Must have been really awesome for Kevin, when you could not even name it. He must have felt like a complete idiot.”

“Yeah!”

Okay, she had expected a rebuttal, some half assed excuse, not this. “Yeah what?”

“Yes, he felt shitty. And he told me so in very clear words. And then I told him I would have been delighted to go on a date with him and--.”

“And?” She leaned even further in and stared at the man.

“And he threw me out.”

With a satisfied nod she leaned back again. That's my boy! “Good,” she then said, causing Javier to stare at her wide eyed. “Oh come on, Kevin would not be the man you fell in love with if he let himself pushed around like that - even by you.” When she saw the slack faced expression, she sighed. “Oh, come on, Javier Esposito. Of course you love him. I-- look, I have a very good idea what you feel like right now, we are very alike when it comes to personal things. And we, we fought very hard for our life and got where we are by depending on us and us alone, damn the rest. We both have every right to feel that about the world around us, just maybe for different reasons. “

The Hispanic smiled thinly at the woman in front of him and nodded.

“Just, occasionally, there are those kind of people that don't care about where you came from or some stupid adjective that is attached to you and with patience and an open mind work your heart open and before you even know it you’ve fallen so hard that you fear the day this person will leave you. So, you’ve done the one thing we both do the best and you exercised your independence, just so you were not the one being left in the long run. Always one step out the door. Tell me, how did that work out?”

Javier bit his lips and then sighed. He had done the one thing he hadn't thought would have been possible and chased away the one person that accepted him with every fault, mood or grunt.

“I lost him!”

“No,” Kate shook her head, her tone much softer now. “Take it from someone, who had been in your spot just a few years ago. Yes, right now, he is rightfully pissed and mostly hurt, but if he means as much as I think he means to you, then you’ll work yourself back into his good graces. You’ll earn his trust again and then you will keep it.”

********************************

Taking a deep breath, Javier looked over at where his partner chatted with Castle. Apparently, Castle had assigned himself on watchdog duty, while his wife had talked some sense into him and had tried to cheer up Kevin. By the light laughter coming from their desks, he had succeeded somehow. And while this gave Javier a bit of jolt, he was just glad that Kevin had found such a devoted friend and that Castle valued Kevin’s friendship that much. He deserved every good thing that came his way.

Javier remembered their first weeks as partners, how he had seen the affable and joyful guy just as another middle-class white boy with no fucking clue how it was out there on the streets. Kevin Ryan, however, had insisted again and again, that they would be great partners, that they would fit. And slowly, he had accepted the fact that this guy would not be chased away that easily.

Then one chase later, after Kevin had actually jumped after a suspect that had fallen into the Hudson, not caring how volatile that guy had been, that grudging acceptance had shifted. Javier had reacted the only way he knew how to to calm his frantically beating heart. He had snapped and when Kevin had just shrugged, shaking and still dripping wet, that this was the right thing to do, he had hurled at Kevin that ‘this is maybe how it's done at Sunday dinner with your parents, but not out here in real-life”. Kevin had actually taken a step back and replied quietly, seemingly working on a reply, until he settled for a “My parents are dead.”

And that's when he realized, he had no idea, hadn't even bothered to know who this new partner actually was. They had sat down afterwards and worked it out as they had worked out anything else.

Right now, while he watched Kevin smiling at Castle, he knew that this time it would not be an easy fix as this time Kevin was the one who did not want to make up. And as much as that frightened him, Javier knew, he had to push through and try to get his best friend back. The other part, the one he secretly hoped so much for, he had no right to demand right now. Squaring his shoulders, he took his long forgotten coke out of the vending machine and marched right to his friends.

Kevin saw Javier a bit late, his eyes widening a bit, but Castle’s hand on his shoulder prevented him from bolting right away.

“Can we talk? In private?”

A squeeze on Kevin’s shoulder and a slight nudge and they were off to the locker room.

Kevin stopped walking, when they reached the benches. He crossed his arms, just waited for him to start.

“Erm, I, I fucked up.” Javier cringed at the belated realization that this seemed to turn into his catchphrase.

Kevin but his under lip, but didn't say anything.

“Not just now, but when I took out my anger at you after Maddox and when I wouldn't take your apology after the whole exam-mess.”

A deep sigh escaped Kevin, indicating he was fed up with Javier’s shit.

“And I don't say I understand every of my action, but that it was never with the intention of hurting you.”

Kevin’s eyes seemed to search for a spot just next to Javier to settle at.

“And I know I should have never gone to Miami.”

Kevin mumbled something.

“Could you repeat?” Javier wanted to know what Kevin thought. He wanted to make it right.

“It should have been me,” Kevin repeated quietly, his eyes still not meeting him.

“I don’t understand--”

“It should have been me,” Kevin suddenly yelled at him, his voice echoing in the empty locker room. “Not Miami, not Anderson, not a party, but me. I should have been your first choice, not just your best available one, but the one thing you would choose above everything else.”

He took a step back and took a deep breath, rubbing his hand over his mouth. When Javier stepped closer, He held up his hand and created an instant barrier between them.

“And I know that's selfish and probably childish, but I thought that just this once that's what I am to someone. Me, Kevin Ryan, was not the youngest, the low man on the totem pole or a member of the B-team. No, just this once, I had pole position. And it made everything else okay. But as it turns out I was just the next best option around.”

“You are not, not to me,” Javier urged him to understand.

“Then why? Why did you just leave me once a better option presented yourself? Why does everyone leave?”

Stunned Javier was not able to say anything for a few seconds. He looked at the other man, surging for an explanation, but only got a desperate look on the other’s face, telling him that's what Kevin was actually feeling. “Kevin, not everyone leaves--.”

“That's what they say, every fucking time. And just when I believe them, they leave. My mom, my dad, Montgomery, every single boy- or girlfriend, Kate and Castle and now you. In the end I'm not enough.”

And how that hurt to hear, but he understood him so well at the moment. Sure, Javi’s Dad had left him and the hole it had left in his early life had been tremendous, but that was nothing compared to the cruel jokes fate seemed to play on his partner again and again.

“Your mom did not leave you, Kev, cancer is a terrible thing--,” he tried to reason with him, but that just brought along Kevin’s stubborn side.

“What about my dad, huh? Why could I not be reason enough to live? Why did I not matter enough? He called me a fucking disappointment, Javi. I only wanted him to stop and he’d rather storm out and get himself killed.”

“You were ten, man. The guy was an alcoholic and a fucking asshole for doing this to you. No matter if he was grieving over his wife, he had a job and duty as your father to take care of you and protect you, not the other way around. And drunk or not, you never ever talk to your kid like that.”

Whatever it was, this seemed to make Kevin finally listen. “Look, this might be some unwanted amateur psych-bullshit, but you got it all upside down, not that I blame you. You had a shitty start in life and the people that should have sheltered you, died too soon and one of them let you down in the worst possible way. You have to understand though that it was not your fault. None of it was your fault. Your dad getting behind the wheel drunk, your mom dying of a fucking disease, Montgomery getting caught up in his own sins or Castle and Beckett being too caught up in their own problems to remember the ones that have always been there for them. Or me--,” he sighed and choose his words carefully as he was quite aware that this was it.

This was the make it or break it moment and he had to get it right at the first try. “Me being an insecure, emotionally challenged, manscaped Neanderthal so fucking scared at the prospect of happiness that I had to push you around again and again until it broke you. You are right, I was careless, ‘cause no matter what I did or happened, you were right there. You became my one constant in my life and I took you for granted. And I should know better than that. How rare people like you are and that I won't get chances like that more than once.”

Kevin still looked looked livid, but he listened. “What chances?”

“You! You wanting to be with me. Look at me, I know I'm not too shabby looking, but I also know that I'm a moody, righteous jerk sometimes that doesn't know how to express how much he appreciates his best friend for being just that and never takes the leap of faith, as the prospect of losing him terrifies him so much that he rather keeps it to himself.”

Kevin stared at him wide-eyed. He finally got somewhere, so he stumbled along.

“And I know I’m not the best, when it comes to uhm, stressful, well I mean, I guess I tend to sabotage myself, I--.”

He tried to put into words what he barely could put into words. Not when it came to himself anyway. And then the miracle happened and Kevin interrupted him with a kiss.

When they separated, faces flushed, a bashful smile on Kevin’s face, a stunned look on his own, Kevin mumbled an “Okay,” still close enough so Javier could feel the other’s breath. “Okay,” he said again and when they pulled apart for a second time and before Javier could stumble through some more words, Kevin put his fingers over his lips. “You owe me dinner and lots of rounds of coffee,” he said with a steady voice.

Javier nodded, but when he tried to reply something, Kevin just pressed his fingers even firmer over his mouth. “And if you ever pull this crap again, I'm out. I love you, but I'm not your punching bag.” The famed L-word usually made Javier run for the hills, but right here and now it seemed the only reasonable conclusion. And Kevin should know, he felt the same.

His reply was still muffled, so he took the fingers off his mouth and when the offended glare surfaced, kissed each finger carefully and enjoyed the speechless blush it induced. “Now, can I reply?”

Kevin nodded, watching him intensely.

“I love you, too.”

The bright smile was everything he needed, but he didn't mind the enthusiastic hug either, enjoying to hold the other’s body close. And Kevin seemed to feel the same, as his hands started to roam around his back. Just before the hands found his target, Javier grabbed the hands and took them between them again. To sooth any worry he quickly kissed the other. “As much as I would like you all over me, I’d rather do this in our apartments.”

“Right, not wanna have anyone catch us,” Kevin nodded with a frown.

“Eh, I don't care if anyone knows, but no way in hell am I gonna share this view with anyone,” Javier replied with a shrug and received a snort for that.

“Aren't you a smooth talker,” Kevin replied dryly and Javier grinned: “I’m just getting started.”

When they stepped into the bullpen again, Beckett, Castle and for some reason Lanie, all stood not so subtly at the murder board and watched them return, walking side by side, not holding hands, but either of them just had to move their hand to the side to touch the other digits.

“Hey, guys, what's going on?” Castle was ever the subtle one and the look between the two men told them everything they needed to know. As did the eye-rolling.

“Javi and I are heading out,” Kevin then just said, smiling at his desk, while he put his things together.

“Yeah? We all could head to the Old Haunt, celebrating--.” Castle gestured at them two with a bright smile and received an elbow by his wife and an eyeroll from Lanie.

“Ah no, I think I’d rather have a night just the two of us,” Kevin interrupted softly and received a soft look from Javier.

“But this calls for celebration,” Castle insisted.

“Castle, as much as I learnt to tolerate your presence, no way in hell, will I accept you on my date-night with my boyfriend, so back off.”

A squeal, a very high squeal interrupted Javier’s rant, which earned Castle eight raised eyebrows. He didn't care about it of course, when he rushed forward to hug first a grinning Kevin and attempted to hug Javier. “Of course, you should enjoy your time alone then, guys,” he then said with a strained voice.

“Are you crying?” Lanie leant forward to watch the writer sniffing and biting his lips.

“No,” he barely got out.

With a smile, Kate put her hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, yeah, maybe, but look at them. Kevin all happy and Javier slightly less grumpy. It's a match made in heaven. Guys, for your wedding--.”

“Okay, let's go,” Kevin rushed out and was followed by an eagerly nodding partner.

“Castle,” they heard Beckett hiss behind them.

“What? It's been ten years, Kate, ten years. Even we were--.”

The rest was swallowed by the closing doors of the elevator.

“That guy,” Javier said with another eye roll, while he joined his partner leaning against the wall.

“I think it's nice. Not everyone will be that cheerful. In fact, 1PP--.”

Javier interrupted him with a kiss. “Let's worry about that tomorrow, okay?”

Looking dazed, the other simply nodded. Yes, tomorrow sounded nice. 


End file.
